I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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