At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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