My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
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