Just mADE A PArabola og urine
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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