Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Randomize
