You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
