but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
