I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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