I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
