Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
