do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
