M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize
