i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
