we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
