whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
