sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
