Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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