Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
