Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
