i was born a porn star she said
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
