You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
