Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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