Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
