Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
In the future we'll all be gay
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
