tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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