There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
