I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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