i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
