Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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