The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
