she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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