toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Having a random hookup so left but love u
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
