question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
