i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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