I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
