you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
