he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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