what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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