What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
