just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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