take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
