I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
