If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
