And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
