i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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