That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
