I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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