Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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