I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
