What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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