Someone shit on the floor
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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